plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
