The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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