I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
