And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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