There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
