Im at strip club and am horny
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
