ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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