No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
