is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
