well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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