youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
