im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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