if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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