If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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