You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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