when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
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Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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