Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
