Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
