Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
