i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
