Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
