guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
