So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
