We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
