Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
