am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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