and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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