I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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