Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
