Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
