as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
