I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
