Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
