I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
