Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
