How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
