i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
