You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
