Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
