In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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