She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
