my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
