I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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