I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
