I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
