the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
