dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
