this beer tastes like vomit already
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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