How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
