She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
