insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize