My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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