so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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