1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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