I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
