it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
MIDGETS
????
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
