You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
