you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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