I am puke
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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