I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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