im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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