I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I would ride that face into the sunset
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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