Someone shit on the floor
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
