Don't you send me to vm
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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