What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
