just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
