I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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