the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
