Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
