I am midnight drunk by noon
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
