I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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