I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
