have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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