dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize
