Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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