They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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