If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
