do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
