batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
