I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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