you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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