My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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