Can i not drive my cunt home
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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