talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
