I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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